Liber Neptuni - Chapter 26

Verses

Welcome to the Department of Maritime Damnation. Take a number unless your number has drowned.

Applicants swallowed by whales must attach proof that the whale was acting in an official capacity.

Poseidon complaints are filed in triplicate and returned during storms.

If you sold your soul before boarding, please declare whether the sale included salvage rights.

Lost sailors are not technically lost until Finance cannot invoice them.

Mermaids are contractors and cannot authorize resurrection.

Sirens must now display nutritional warnings beside all songs of irresistible beauty.

Those who drowned while seeking enlightenment may deduct one illusion from taxable karma.

Those who drowned while taking selfies receive no metaphysical discount.

The abyss has no bottom, but it has a records office on Level B.

A black cat has occupied Window Seven since Tuesday. Management has chosen the ancient policy of pretending this is intentional.

Neptune does not answer subpoenas. We continue sending them for morale.

Please initial here to confirm that eternity may contain moisture.

Complaints about the meaninglessness of existence are handled by another department, which is also us.

Next.