Liber Plutonis - Chapter 32

Verses

PLUTO SUBSURFACE AUTHORITY: Citizens are reminded that all glaciers must flow only through approved channels.

Unauthorized sublimation will be treated as atmospheric emigration.

Sputnik Planitia is not a heart. Repeated use of romantic anatomical terminology may result in reassignment to Crater Accounting.

Charon synchronization remains mandatory. Couples unable to maintain tidal locking should contact Domestic Mechanics.

The Sun is visible but not locally relevant. Please stop filing warmth requests.

All mountains composed of water ice must remain load-bearing until further notice.

Haze layers are to be stacked neatly above the horizon after use.

Personnel encountering liquid beneath the surface must first determine whether it is geology, contraband, or morale.

Do not awaken ancient gods without a work order.

Do not feed Kerberos after the third shift. The third shift does not exist.

Cats found in ventilation shafts outrank temporary contractors but not permanent ghosts.

The Department denies rumors of an ocean. The Department also denies possessing a Department of Ocean Denial.

Anyone claiming Pluto is no longer a planet must submit the complaint directly to Pluto.

Average response time: 248 years.