Liber Plutonis - Chapter 8

Verses

Verse 79

OFFICE OF DIS PATER: All newly deceased persons must declare coins, crowns, grudges, unfinished arguments, and sentimental furniture.

Verse 80

Buried treasure is taxable because burial constitutes delivery to our jurisdiction.

Verse 81

Gold comes from below. Oil comes from below. Metals come from below. Corpses come below voluntarily or under escort. You may now understand why our department is called Wealth.

Verse 82

The living accuse us of greed while drilling holes into our ceiling.

Verse 83

Kings arrive wearing jewels mined from my province and seem offended when I recognize the merchandise.

Verse 84

Plutocrats are merely amateur Plutonians with worse architecture.

Verse 85

Do not hide assets in the coffin. We invented coffins.

Verse 86

One emperor requested a private afterlife. His application was denied on the ancient principle that death has excellent antitrust law.

Verse 87

Priests receive no exemption. Prophets may deduct one trumpet if used exclusively for eschatological purposes.

Verse 88

Cats entering the realm are not processed. They ignore the queue, cross three restricted boundaries, and sit on the judge's documents.

Verse 89

Cerberus has filed several complaints regarding feline access privileges. Cerberus has been advised to become less emotionally available.

Verse 90

The rich call death a tragedy because it is the first border officer they cannot tip.

Verse 91

The poor call death many things; our records show fewer surprises.

Verse 92

Final notice: everything you own will eventually be transferred. We recommend enjoying it before the audit.