Liber Caeli - Chapter 30

Verses

CONTROL TO URANIAN DISTRICTS: conventional north has been suspended pending clarification.

Residents are advised that twenty-one-year seasonal complaints cannot be resolved within one fiscal quarter.

Do not attempt to straighten planetary tilt with synchronized prayer, rockets, cranes, or moral disappointment.

The magnetic field is not lost. It knows exactly where it is; you are the confused party.

Ring maintenance reports all rings present. Stop submitting tickets titled Saturn did it better.

Moon personnel named Ariel and Umbriel must clearly identify department when answering radio calls.

Shakespeare references are not valid navigation coordinates.

Cats remain prohibited from exterior inspection unless individually rated for vacuum. No cat currently is.

The petition to rename the planet has been forwarded to the English Language Hazard Office.

Requests to classify axial tilt as rebellion have been denied. Planets do not file political platforms.

Astrologers may continue calling unexpected events Uranian, but must not invoice the atmosphere.

If your sky remains dark for years, verify latitude before declaring apocalypse.

If apocalypse persists after verification, contact Local Mythology.

END NOTICE: remain sideways until further instructions, which are not expected.