Liber Veneris - Chapter 56

Verses

Verse 74

CONTROL NOTICE 74: Residents of the western cloud districts are reminded that sunrise will occur in the incorrect direction. This is normal.

Verse 75

NOTICE 75: Do not attempt to repair planetary rotation with prayer wheels, industrial fans, or coordinated disappointment.

Verse 76

NOTICE 76: Surface temperature remains unsuitable for flesh, wax, chocolate, optimism, and most known cats.

Verse 77

NOTICE 77: The cat exemption requested by Sector Nine has been denied. Stop submitting the same cat under different names.

Verse 78

NOTICE 78: Sulfuric clouds are atmospheric features, not public fountains.

Verse 79

NOTICE 79: Any inhabitant claiming to have seen the ground from orbit must specify whether they mean radar, revelation, or lying.

Verse 80

NOTICE 80: Morning-Star personnel and Evening-Star personnel are the same department. The feud has exceeded its approved mythological budget.

Verse 81

NOTICE 81: All hymns beginning O Most Gentle Lady must include the current surface pressure in the second stanza.

Verse 82

NOTICE 82: Romantic visitors are advised that crushing pressure is not metaphorical here.

Verse 83

NOTICE 83: Metaphorical crushing pressure remains available in the Relationship Office.

Verse 84

NOTICE 84: Copper offerings may be left at Dock Seven. Gold offerings will be redirected to the Sun, which already has enough.

Verse 85

NOTICE 85: Lucifer is not cleared for unsupervised ascent. Previous incident reports remain unresolved.

Verse 86

NOTICE 86: Inanna is cleared for descent but must declare all garments before passing Gate One.

Verse 87

NOTICE 87: Zohra may perform after dusk provided her lute does not interfere with navigation beacons.

Verse 88

NOTICE 88: Shukra has again requested authorization to resurrect dead personnel. Legal says no. Medical says interesting.

Verse 89

NOTICE 89: Demons are forbidden from selling forged resurrection permits in the cafeteria.

Verse 90

NOTICE 90: Humans may continue naming geological features after themselves. The planet remains indifferent.

Verse 91

NOTICE 91: Ascended passengers insisting there is no planet must still pay docking fees.

Verse 92

NOTICE 92: Jinn passengers insisting fees are an illusion will be charged an illusory surcharge.

Verse 93

NOTICE 93: Any prophecy containing the phrase chosen one must identify the choosing authority and provide a complaint address.

Verse 94

NOTICE 94: Mirrors larger than two meters require a vanity license.

Verse 95

NOTICE 95: Desire levels in the lower atmosphere are above regulation. Please want responsibly.

Verse 96

NOTICE 96: The Department of Harmony reports thirteen duels outside its main office.

Verse 97

NOTICE 97: The Department of Love has changed its name to Attraction after legal consultation.

Verse 98

NOTICE 98: Attraction accepts no liability for obsession, poetry, conquest, marriage, divorce, or decorative cushions.

Verse 99

NOTICE 99: If the sky appears beautiful, verify your distance before forming doctrine.

Verse 100

NOTICE 100: If the sky appears terrible, verify your distance again.

Verse 101

NOTICE 101: The same object may produce both reports. This is not a systems error.

Verse 102

NOTICE 102: All inhabitants are reminded that reflection is not theft when performed by a planet.

Verse 103

NOTICE 103: Final instruction: remain luminous, remain inhospitable, and under no circumstances explain yourselves to astrologers.

Verse 104

NOTICE 104: Transmission ends. The next sunset is already in progress somewhere that calls it dawn.